September 4, 2012

Reflective moments — Discovery

I took the Myers Briggs personality test and learned that I am an ISFP; an introverted feeling with an extraverted sensing individual. This profile explains a lot about me, my place in the world, the way I relate to others, perceived by others, my mind's driving force which is mostly my thoughts. Having my SELF described so explicitly became an eye opener and dispels some of the notions I have about myself, people, how I relate to them, how they relate to me; it gives me a sense of peace, I find a new happy place.

My life in recent years is at serious crossroads; thought provoking questions linger on my mind, like: Who am I? What is my life's purpose? Where's my place in the world? Do I just want a mundane life; living paycheck to paycheck, answering to a cause I don't believe in because I must earn a living? Having to tolerate people I don't get along with or have anything in common with because my job depends on it? Should I be a leader or a follower? A creator? A consumer? Truth is, I want a life outside the box, without rigidity, rules, policies, without someone breathing down my neck, micromanaging my every move. I want to be the poster child for my own causes. I do not desire to expend my energy in a cause I don't believe in (in form of a job, diligently upholding some company's mission). I want room to be able to use my intellect and ambitions to create. I've never considered myself ordinary, and the mundane just isn't me. I have the energy to make a big difference in the world. I uphold myself to very high standards. I don't just want to be one of many, I want to be the only. I don't just want a job, I want a life.
In an ideal world, I wake up every morning elated and giddy, because somehow my existence would have changed the world and made it a better place that day. I would have had the opportunity to enrich lives, both my own and others. I have always been attracted to art and beauty. I may not care for the intricate details of rules and regulations, but I quickly notice the intricate details in aesthetic beauty. I have always loved to tackle tasks on my own without interference from others, I work best when I work alone; a leader in my own right, definitely not a follower. In an ideal world, I would be a photographer, painter, musician, sculptor, interior designer, philanthropist, someone who's has the ability to create, who's existence and work matters. Life is too short to spend most of it stressed out, burned out, and want to check out. Life is too short to miss out on it's beauty because you have to struggle to exist. Life is too short to be unappreciated and not respected.

I now understand better why I've always had these sentiments reading my personality profile. ISFPs are described as artists; we approach the world and deal with it through our emotions, we could care less about theories and concepts without practical application. We are intense but easy going people who take our lives very seriously although we may appear care free, we are kids at heart. We can be very trusting until our trust is violated. Because of our caring, carefree and sometimes intense nature, it's easy to feel taken advantage of. I feel a sense of peace knowing that I'm not alone in my world. Myers Briggs broke down 16 personality profiles and everyone might fall into one or two of them, with one dominant. To test yours check here, you'll be on your way to understanding yourself better.
So this past weekend I went to another art class in Downtown Houston. All weekend I had been down emotionally; dealing with lost trust of loved ones, most recently loosing my job and then finding out my employer would not be paying me for time worked. They terminate my contract and then reduce my pay to minimum wage (I'm a registered nurse who contracts with hospitals through a travel staffing agency), finding out I'm being screwed over is a hard pill to swallow. I blame myself because the person that I am did not bother to read and understand the fine print in the contract that I signed to find out they could get away with it. It has become a losing situation for me, my initial reaction was to shut down and loose my motivation and zeal to have fun this weekend, that was my emotional reaction.

In my attempt to get over my emotional funk, I picked myself up and headed for my art class. This time, I went to Pinot's Palette on Taft Street. I arrived ten minutes late (it really makes a difference when you know your way around town, but I'm quickly learning). I met Karen, she was quite a joy! She's one of the coordinators, welcomed me, asked if this was my first time there, (she swore I had been there before, but I went to their competition the first time…LOL). She escorted me to the aprons, then to my reserved seat, brought out the rinsing cup and paint brushes. This time at least I was right there in time to start with everybody.
So we started with our blank canvases, the theme was 'Deco Martini'. Karen assisted me with the starting point; we were painting two different colors on the canvas, blue on about two thirds of the canvas on the top, then brown on the bottom one third. Keeping in mind there was no rules to how my color should turn out in comparison to the model painting they had hanging on the wall, I took the liberty to mix the blue and brown colors the way I wanted. When i sat down and got down to business I found myself at peace; It didn't matter how badly I was feeling before I got there, my inner clam just set in as I started to paint.
What I liked most about Pinot Palette's set up is the atmosphere; in the crowd were a mix of young professionals and artsy individuals. As everyone painted, the mounted speakers played Pandora radio, we listened to the likes of Rihanna, Moby, Coldplay, Black eyed peas, music was a combination of popular as well as ambient groove. I can remember busting a tune a few times to Rihanna and T.I's "Live your life" (not just me). There was also food and wine (I don't drink, but it was just perfect).
We painted in steps, took breaks in between, another coordinator, young Preetika actually directed the whole session, she painted her canvas in front of the class as a guide (she's an amazing artist). We finished the first step; painting the two different colors on the canvas. We then moved on to outlining our deco martini glasses, wine bottles and shakers, then we painted our cosmos, wines, mojitos (whatever we wanted).

I'm still amazed at how at first when I start with my painting, I think it doesn't look good, my outline might be a little off, may not be perfect, but then, gradually the picture takes shape. When I sit back and observe what the whole thing has tuned into I'm proud of what I had done. I have perfectionist tendencies, I would go over lines again and again. Sometimes, I end up over doing something that was already good to begin with. But then just like I do with my eye make up, a little blending here and there, and I'm back at looking good again.
By the time we all finished our deco martini, it was time for a photo-up. The whole class gathered for a group photo, I took some of my own. Karen announced that some of these photos would end up in a blog somewhere (my blog, I passed out my business cards to a few). We all had fun; it was a whole big party with food, drinks and art. This is definitely my scene!

Be sure to check out my interview with Karen in the next post.


1 comment :

  1. Thay was way toooo cool.. Wish i cud paint smtin, perhaps d face of ur director who cut u off ur job *lol* luved it, buh ur shakers in d painting looks broken, hahahahaha..


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