March 30, 2013

Reflective moments — Pain

"She's a pain in the neck!"  "He's such a pain!" "It's painfully obvious that..."
Usually, obviously, these statements are used figuratively.  These overused metaphors paint a good picture of how someone can make you feel.  Ever had a real pain in the neck (literally)?  I have. It's not a walk in Central park.  First it starts with tension that has your neck tied up in a hard knot, then it forms a network; when I feel the knot it's a rope, and it runs from the my neck's nape down my lumbar region to the small of my back.  If I were to paint a picture, it would look like somehow a network of hemp ropes and cords form in a linear fashion on either side of my spine, causing pain and discomfort.  It's not just pain; it's also lightheadedness and GI discomfort (I told you, not a walk in the park).  My masseuse – Andre have benefited handsomely from my patronage; he is very good at what he does.  Attempts at any relief from those kinks would be somehow meticulously working out the kinks and knots.

But enough about ropes.  We all have a (if not more than one) figurative pain.  They can be our family, significant others, co-workers, bosses, friends.  Their pain could as well yield some unpleasant symptoms: emotional disturbances, headache, heartache, nausea, pain, (your symptom here).  At first, just like the pain in your neck (if you have one), it creeps in and attaches itself on your figurative spine. Suddenly, you find yourself constantly working out the knots and kinks just to maintain your emotional equilibrium.  Some of you might have a good handle on your various situations, however for the rest of us, the constant assault can take it's toll; you become an emotional wreck.  If you are like me, you would probably think that your feelings are unjustified, somehow you have become crazed, somehow, you are alone in your emotional war with your painful kinks.  At first you will try to invalidate your feelings,  dismissing it as something you can just get over. The best of people out there have their own share of problems and they manage to get through them.  Then you might reason, somehow if you don't   rise up the big bad elephant from the dead, it would stay dead.  Somehow you can just move on from your pain and it's inflictor(s) and life would be just like the Georgia peach - beautiful and delicious.  But just like the Real Housewives of Atlanta, you would be putting up a faĆade.  Deep down inside the grave lies that big bad elephant – your pain.  That elephant might be dead and buried six feet under your subconscious, but it left skeletons, to hunt you for time to come, it never really goes away.

So how do you deal? Payback? Revenge?
"I'll tell ya how to deal with it: buy an AK-47 and shoot 'em up!"  
Wait a minute, that's what James or Adam would do.
"I got it, I got it! Pull on that bi*+es wig!  Bi*#ch slap that hoe from Georgia to Fresno, ploop!"  
Okay Ms. Leekes, you can put down your triumphant, digging pointy finger and calm down now.  In all seriousness, dealing with the pain inflicted by loved ones is not easy.  If allowed they never take ownership of responsibility for their part in your pain.  It can be easy to disregard your feelings in other to create peace, it's easy to feel bad and recant almost immediately when you attempt to assert yourself, they can make you feel that somehow, your feelings are unjustified, that innate switch to a lightbulb that flickers only when a wrong is committed against you is somehow faulty and needs fixing, not them.  Subconsciously in your heart of hearts, you know the truth and it's only a matter of time before you wake the big bad elephant from it's sleep.  As it charges out of control, you might give it it's power by either asserting yourself or over reacting, or it's shot dead by your pain's inflictors if you allow them, or even you, when you choose to ignore it by either reacting passively or ignoring it.  One thing about the big bad elephant; it's power, it's presence; it never dies, even with the elephant in it's grave.  It will keep nagging at you to do something about it.  You have to make the conscious decision to take your power back and stop relinquishing it to that figurative rope that continues to drag you down.  That rope will have to be excised from your spine.  Trust me, you might imagine it being vey painful to do, almost life altering, like cutting off an artery, but it's not. See, unlike the artery, this rope is not part of your physical fiber, it's a foreign body, and although it attaches itself like a leech and try to play chameleon, it can be excised.

You will feel so much better for it.  Your loved ones will not like the dish you are serving at first, but just like an acquired taste, they will learn to like it.  They will have to learn to respect you, in turn, they will have to earn your respect.

You are in life's classroom as long as you breathe.  Everyday, every activity, every move is a lesson learned.  The education never stops, only a fool chooses ignorance, subservience.
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  1. I can't agree more with you.
    Sometimes there is a pain in my heart and i can't tell it to anymore, so I just tolerate it by myself.
    By the way, i am also a blogger .Would you please join my site on blogspot? I will follow you as well.
    Thank you.

  2. Loving your hair in these photos! Thanks for sharing! Xo, M&K at

  3. You are very welcome and thank you 😊

  4. am loving the hair.... pls pass it over when ur done with it.. 1love&&&


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